Once Upon a Bone Ed
by Star321
Summary: A remake of a much loved Ed Episode, but with a Boney Twit.


ONCE UPON A BONE-ED

It is night, and Jonny and Plank have just finished another day.

Jonny hums as he rises up to his attic bedroom, "Race yeah to bed" said Jonny as he rushes to his bed.

Plank then pops out from under the sheets, "Ha, you beat me again you Jackrabbit you" said Jonny as he listened to the voice of Plank that only he can hear, "You want a bedtime story, ok lets read this one, 'Conrad, the Lonely Stump'."

Jonny begins to read "Ticky Packford had a farm, and on the farm was a lonely stump…"

Suddenly, Jonny hears a noise coming from the walls.

He gives a knock on the wall and gets a response, "Did ya hear that Plank, we got Wall Weasels"

Then the wall started to creak, and out came, of all people, "Who's there" Ed, "Ow, my legs' caught" Edd, "Break it up, get out of the way and make room" and Eddy.

"I think I'm sitting on a nail" said Edd.

"My turn" said Ed.

"Hay…" said Jonny rubbing his head, "…how'd you get inside my wall? Wants that Plank? Plank says take a hike or we'll call the cops."

"Hay Plank, Ever take a tour of a toothpick factory!" shouted Eddy.

"Eddy, manners; assess the situation, Jonny deserves a explanation" said Edd as Jonny's face lights up, "Now if someone would just redirect their foot, I'd be happy to tell Jonny the story."

"Oh, I'm sorry, that's me" said a mysterious voice from somewhere in the wall.

"What the…, who said that?" said Eddy as the strange voices became louder.

The wall above the Eds then started to break and soon revealed some white faces, "Hay, get your hand out of my face Fone Bone" shouted Phoney.

"Only if you stop yelling Phoney" said Fone Bone angrily.

"Watch out cuz, I just lit cigar" said Smiley as it burns Phoney on his back.

"Smiley, would you put that thing out or you'll burn my shirt!" shouted Phoney.

"Well you never did wash it in your life" said Fone.

"Hay, get out of here we were here first!" shouted Eddy.

"Who made you the run of the house, Fat Lip!" shouted Phoney.

"Oh, well where'd you get your comebacks, from a cereal box, Big Nose" shouted Eddy.

"Three Haired!"

"Baldy!"

"Gentleman, PLEASE" shouted Edd, "My apologizes, but sometimes my friend can be over barring."

"It's alright, my cousin can be just as loud" said Fone Bone.

"Hay, he started it" said Phoney.

"Come on guy, me and Plank want a bedtime story" said Jonny.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I almost forgot, you guys wouldn't mind would you" said Edd.

"Not at all" said Fone.

"Ya, I'm in for a good story" said Smiley.

"You're in for anything that coming to ya" muttered Phoney.

"Well, let's see now, the story begins…" began Edd before Eddy shouted "OH, come on Ed's drooling on my Head!"

"There's an Art to storytelling Eddy, one must use a palliated of words, to paint images, blend sentences, and project them in an interesting way" said Edd.

"Boring" said Ed and Smiley.

"Ya, boring" said Jonny.

"See Jonny's got you numbered Double-D…" said Eddy as he went into his own story, "Let me tell you the story Jonny boy."

**Eddy's Story:**

I was strolling down the sidewalk, same old, nothing special. When Kevin rides up and says.

Kevin as a Monkey - "Um excuse me Mister Eddy, nice day for a walk, isn't it sir." Eddy snickers.

Then I say, "Hay Kev, is that a flat tire you got there." He looks down, and BAM! "Want a sap."

"Good one Mister Eddy, I'm such a dork" laughs Kevin.

With that I decide to take a shortcut through my Estate, and pop into my modest Jawbreaker Bank, just to her ash the help.

Edd - "Please sign on the dotted line Rolf, thank you."

Rolf - "Take care of my Jawbreaker, for I am a simpleton, yes."

Edd - "You're welcome"

Ed with a stamp on his head hits the paper- "I am a lump."

Eddy - "Greetings citizens."

All the over exaggerated kids cheer.

Jimmy – "He's so self absorbed."

Eddy – "My, public."

Jimmy – "Mister Eddy, is that a new suit?"

Sarah – "Can I touch it, huh, can I?" Eddy then slaps them in the face with his glove.

Edd – "Good day Mister Eddy, it's me Double-D, how are you today sir!"

Eddy – "Get to work slacker."

Edd – "Yes indeed-dee, no shirking in this department, not here."

Eddy over loudspeaker – I'm about to speak, sign I'm Executive President, and owner of the International Jawbreakers Inc., drop your Jawbreaker and get lost, the banks closed, but hay, don't forget to come back tomorrow, cause I love ya."

The Eds then shove all the kids out the door.

Once I got rid of the commoners, it was time to check on the stase.

Edd then starts to unlock the door with Ed used as a key. The door opens to reveal a large vault filled with Jawbreakers from different places, with Eddy laughing with glee.

Edd – "Mister Eddy, shall I begin the inventory."

Eddy on Ed's head – Get on with it, Ed, top floor pronto."

Ed used as an Elevator – "Watch your step Mister Eddy."

Eddy waiting with Enthusiasm – "Come on, that's the one Ed; Japan Flavor, come to Papa."

Eddy sees Ed linking the inventory – "Ed, don't touch you're an employee."

Edd panicking – "Agony, agony! As many times I've gone over these numbers, they don't add up!"

Eddy – "You obviously made a mistaken the correlation between the gross revenues and the sum of the square root, minus a piece of pie."

Edd - "Well what was I thinking; you're a genius Mister Eddy."

The scene goes back to Jonny's Room.

"The Square Root of a piece of pie?" said Edd.

"What" said Eddy?

"Yours is fiction Eddy, your exaggerated story can only be described as cockamamie" said Edd.

"I know, just as bad as Phoney" said Fone Bone.

"Tsk tsk tsk... I have never heard such language." said Ed.

"Don't stop now, want happen next, what happen next!" said Jonny.

"Control yourself Jonny…" said Edd.

**Edd's Story:**

"… Continuing from where Eddy lefted off. The discomfort began with Jimmy's arrival to my correctly designed Jawbreaker Bank."

Edd – "Oh, happy day, a customer."

Eddy with excitement – "Get the pigeon, get him, grab the jawbreaker, take it, it's mine!"

Edd - "How mortifying, good day Jimmy, don't we look special, care to show me your unbridled smile."

Jimmy – "I'd like to make a deposit."

Edd – "At Ed's Jawbreaker Bank, we pride ourselves…"

Eddy – "Give me the Jawbreaker, Jimmy's a sucker; take it from him it's mine!"

Edd – "It's rude to interrupt Eddy. Where was I. We pride ourselves with customer satisfaction and…"

Edd sees Ed drooling – "Ed; my apologizes Jimmy, but Ed can't help himself sometimes."

Eddy – "Yet me have it, so I can put it in our Jawbreaker vault."

Edd – "I see signs of progress Eddy."

Jimmy with Eddy's mouth on his hand and Jawbreaker – "My hand, my Jawbreaker, Eddy Germs! Help me, I'm so delectate."

Edd yelling – "What are you doing."

Edd in a serious tone – "I hope your proud of yourself, you've driven away another costumer; it bathling I tell you, your deep lack in self-control only fosters failure in every endeavor we undertake. I mean, it's always one step forward and two steps back, why! Don't you see the example I try to set for you. Take note, as I am a… STUDPID SOCKHEAD AND A BABLEING DWEAB WHO CAN'T LIFT A BUTTERFLY…"

The scene rips back to Jonny's Room.

"…I wish I was as good looking as Eddy" said Eddy interrupting Edd's story.

"Boy this story stinks. Plank and I want a real story like stuff like Octopus's Garden, Silver Hammers, and Mr. Kite" said Jonny.

"Open a window Jonny and get some air" said Eddy.

"And so it went…" said Ed.

**Ed's Story:**

"…Little did Ed, Edd, and Eddy know that deep within the intestines of the trailer park, the Kanker Sisters were planning to foil the brave Eds attempts with over-radiated mashed potatoes! Slowly, one-by-one, they would devour the dated spuds!" The Trailer glows and splits open.

Edd (Through Ed's Mind) – "Bla, Bla, Bla, Bla, Bla; Yap, Yap, Bla, Bla, Dribble, Dribble, Dribble."

Eddy when the ground sakes – "Hay, what's going on."

Edd – "Yappidy, Yap Yap?"

Rolf panicking – "Salted Milk, Edboy. Gather your inadequate friends, and flee! Flee in the name of (something Rolf would say)!"

Kevin – "I'm Dorking man!"

Nazz runs by in denial, laughing at the coming doom.

Jimmy – "Oh, my leg, I can't go on Sarah. Farwell, Cruel World."

Sarah before Jimmy is squished by a giant foot – "Come on Jimmy you can do it. AHHHHHHH!"

Ed – "Baby Sister!"

The monster size Kankers laugh as Eddy says – "Your time has come Kanker!"

The Eds start to run, as Marie Kanker shots a ray from a chicken in her armpit at a house. The House turns to a Bar of Soap.

Ed – "TABLE SOAP!"

Then next house, into Deodorant.

Ed – "DEODORANT!"

Marie laughs as the Eds run to the next house.

Eddy – "Quick, in here."

Ed after seeing the giant eye in the door – "KANKER!"

The house is pulled from the ground, with May Kankers head under it. The Eds run as Lee Kanker shots kisses at them, surrounding them.

Eddy holding a trash can lid – "Kankers!"

The Kankers then hit themselves with each other's heads, and merge.

Eddy in shock – "Ed your story getting weird."

The Eds are hit with a big wet kiss, and are now surrounded.

Eddy – "I'm a miner, stop!"

Edd – "Yap Yap Yap!"

Ed in a heroic pose – "Now it's my turn."

Ed then takes off in the air with Edd and Eddy, with the Kankers chasing him with a slotted spoon. He is hit, and drives head first into a small, oncoming hay cart with three white figures and one hair purple one (which is missed and surreys a way), and then plowed into the ground till they come to the wall of Jonny's house (with the three white things are thrown into the wall).

Eddy, Dazed and Confused – "Kankers? Kankers!"

Ed acting quickly – "We have found shelter!"

Ed then places Edd and Eddy into a mouse hole in the side of the house. Over their screams, he too, stuffs himself into the hole until he is completely in.

Back in Jonny's room.

"…And stuck in your wall we are, The End" said Ed.

"Gee Ed, what an enchanted world you live in" said Edd.

"So you're the idiot that ran us into the wall!" growled Phoney.

"Gee, I hope Bartleby's okay" said Smiley.

"I got a cramp listening to you people. Ok Jonny, there's your story, now how's about prying us out of your wall" said Eddy to a sleeping Jonny.

"Shee, he is sleeping Eddy" said Ed.

"Way to go Hemingway, it was your part that put him to sleep!" shouted Eddy.

Suddenly, there is another sound in the walls, "What was that, did you hear it?" said Edd, "I don't have a good feeling about this."

"I don't have any feeling at all" said Ed.

The noise becomes it's loudest when suddenly a sharp white thing pokes out of the opposite wall and turns around to make a bigger hole with the Kanker Sisters in it.

"Hi Ya Boys" said the Kankers.

"What's good looking guys like you doing in a place like this" said Lee.

"IT'S A NEVER ENDING STORY!" screamed the Eds as the Kankers laughed.

"Jonny, Wake Up, Get a Crowbar Quick!" said Eddy to a sound asleep Jonny.

Eddy looks up to see no one in the opposite hole, "Where'd they go?"

"I don't know I was looking at Jonny!" said Edd.

"My underwear is running high guy!" said Ed.

The wall around the Eds and the Bones started to creak as they all soon seemed to be pulled into the Darkness.

"Come to momma" said Marie.

Their head started popping out of the walls of the room, screaming for a heavy sleeper Jonny to help them, which he never does.

"JONNY HELP!" screamed Eddy.

"Dickle Dickle" said Ed.

"NO, STOP, WAIT!" screamed Edd.

"Hubba Hubba" said Lee.

"Their Maniacs!" screamed Fone Bone.

"Someone, Anyone, HELP ME" Screamed Phoney.

"YEEEEE HAAAAAA" shouted a kiss covered Smiley.

And the Kankers Laugh, and Laugh, till Edd wakes up from his nightmare.

"That was strange. I wonder who those people were?" said Edd.

TO BE CONTINUED…Maybe


End file.
